Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
