My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
