I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
