direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
