the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
