if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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