he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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