Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
