you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
