I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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