May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
