life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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