Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
