I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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