What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
