sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
