So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
