He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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