I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
