I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
