I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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