i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
