i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize