So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
