Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
