Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
