Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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