He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
