Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
