I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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