Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
