There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just tell him i said nine months
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
