If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize