it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
