we have officially lost it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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