I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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