what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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