I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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