you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
