how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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