Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
