You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
