cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
