Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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