Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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