He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
