i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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