the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
