I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
