he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
