Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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