this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
