I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
