awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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