I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
