i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
