I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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