I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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