remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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