We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
