his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
