Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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