its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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