Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"