my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No subtext here. People are naked.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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