Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame