It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night