You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat