Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs

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  (559): Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs http://tfl.nu/r642
  Replies (18) Good night (2610) Bad night (543)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest

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  (571): dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest http://tfl.nu/nou3
  Replies (8) Good night (1260) Bad night (1990)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?

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  (732): wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns? http://tfl.nu/gvvk
  Replies (51) Good night (3178) Bad night (1441)
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  (619): View more from California

  We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants

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  (619): We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants http://tfl.nu/owqu
  Replies (15) Good night (7699) Bad night (730)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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  (701): My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying. http://tfl.nu/rpdb
  Replies (32) Good night (7119) Bad night (697)
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  (516): View more from New York

  just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination

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  (516): just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination http://tfl.nu/dj79
  Replies (30) Good night (4490) Bad night (1090)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.

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  (970): Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out. http://tfl.nu/rgfe
  Replies (6) Good night (4514) Bad night (1568)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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  (256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed. http://tfl.nu/8aru
  Replies (28) Good night (5114) Bad night (2053)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?

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  (631): Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them? http://tfl.nu/t23p
  Replies (24) Good night (669) Bad night (5627)
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  (315): View more from New York

  apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.

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  (315): apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food. http://tfl.nu/ofln
  Replies (3) Good night (3322) Bad night (812)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.

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  (970): There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/bv2v
  Replies (10) Good night (4433) Bad night (810)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him

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  (602): just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him http://tfl.nu/vcwf
  Replies (9) Good night (815) Bad night (1271)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...

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  (224): Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex... http://tfl.nu/9y7e
  Replies (6) Good night (687) Bad night (989)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.

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  (412): I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA. http://tfl.nu/jgm4
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (283)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.

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  (218): I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench. http://tfl.nu/hyfp
  Replies (5) Good night (236) Bad night (480)

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