We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
whose parrot is this?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you