Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10