so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
