good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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