i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
