He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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