This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
