i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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