..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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