Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
