If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize