Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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