The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
