We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
