I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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