He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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