Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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