she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
