Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
