Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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