So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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