I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
