I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
