matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
