The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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