it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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