So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
