He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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