I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
