im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
