We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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