Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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