Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
