im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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