It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
