I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
