I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
