hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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