Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
